I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
