how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
