So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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