my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
