Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
