You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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