Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize