Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
