lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
