my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
