It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
