Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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