Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
