I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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