I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
