Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize