Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
