we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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