ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
