She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
