It's Friday. Sex?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
