look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
soo... how was my night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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