new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
