Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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