Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
