i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
