My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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