You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize