he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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