You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
only if we run a train.
done.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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