If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
