a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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