dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
