the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
