did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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