It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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