Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The power of my boobs compel you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
