When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it glows. i had to have it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
