There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
