Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
