The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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