Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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