I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
