I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
