Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
