Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
