smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
