Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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