Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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