Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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