I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
