Kiss
Puke
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
