I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
