I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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