you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize