oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
