I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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