I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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