i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
