New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
