You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
