therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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