so that wasnt chicken after all
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
