3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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