also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize