3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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