I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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