I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
