So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
