Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
