You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
