I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
