dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
