The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
